one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
