Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
