when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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