Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize