names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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