he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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