i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
