Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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