There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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