I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
organizing the empties. That sober.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
