Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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