Cold hands, warm shart.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
