she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
