So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
