Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize