Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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