My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
