If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
