I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How's work?
Spinning.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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