i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
