sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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