I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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