a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
