mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
