first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
