I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't turn off my feet"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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