i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
