i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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