bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
