I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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