so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
