I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
