How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
