Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
