YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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