that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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