I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize