you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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