and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
