how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
