they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
