I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Duck Duck Cougar?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
