I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She's the barista slut.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
