I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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