i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
