Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You took a bar mat shot.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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