the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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