Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
