Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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