I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
