I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
