What did we do last night that was yellow?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
