K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
