it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm at about main and main street
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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