hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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