She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
