We're facebook friends in real life
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
