JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
