none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize