girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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