I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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