So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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