she takes plan B like it's going out of style
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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