my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
