Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My pussy is not your playground.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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