I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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