Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
