I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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