I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
