Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
